Beautiful Dirty Rich
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe
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I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
... Marilyn Monroe
  4:36 am, by xcomplicatedx

Forensic Science. My, shall we say, “dream”. Ever since I realized it was a possibility, I had always hoped I’d be able to do it one day. I started on the wrong path, on something that just seemed interesting. Nuclear Medicine. I was going to “cure cancer”, right? No. I was just putting my so called “dream” on the back burner and doing something more realistic. Since then I have changed majors, and become straight on the path of my dream. I’m so unsure now. There are so many possibilities, and I am just so tired of it taking so long. It’s my own fault. I have played around so much and instead of getting to business, worried about studying abroad, hanging out with friends. Friends that aren’t even in my life now. I didn’t go to classes because I was afraid of the people in the class, i.e., ex boyfriends, “frenemies”, what have you. Now I don’t have those worries. I have just lost all motivation, for anything. I am hoping it will be back in the fall. I am wanting to get by this semester without having to retake something again…
Anyway, I hope I get by so I can just move on. I think I am getting the feeling of being in a “rut” without actually being in a rut… Its driving me crazy though, sometimes a certain class is just so God-awful boring. Its hard to pretend to be interested when you aren’t at all. When I am not interested in something, it shows. I hate that about me. I hate that I lose all motivation when something doesn’t go exactly how I want. Or I fall out of my new routine. Which by the way, I am terrible at committing to a routine everyday. That is just something for me.  Something like taking Vitamins can become a chore to someone like me. It’s a fault I would LOVE to fix. I don’t know how. I just stare at the Vitamin bottle, thinking, “I should take those”. Maybe I am OCD about it. If i miss a day I feel like the whole rotation is thrown off and can not start back until the following Monday. That’s how I am with the gym. And how I have become with classes. I can’t be this way anymore. Not if I am planning on having a Masters degree, and eventually a PhD. God do I want that PhD. I want it so much it hurts. BS in Biology, Masters in Criminal Justice, PhD in…..  (to be continued).. Haven’t figured out what that will be in yet. 
I was looking into Toxicology, but then Pathology caught my eye. This is all after I had thought about Entomology.  But then again, Serology seems so interesting. It is so hard to decide when there are so many things I could become so highly trained in. I am looking more into Toxicology and Pathology. The others are interesting but… do I seriously see myself playing with bugs years from now? Or messing with man-juice, or urine? Yeah. Those are some TOP reasons why I couldn’t be a Medical Doctor. All the bodily fluids. It doesn’t so much as gross me out, as it does… grosses me out… so yeah, its pretty disgusting. Interesting, but disgusting… So I guess its deciding on Toxicology or Pathology as a Specialty? Wow. Toxins or Diseases. What amazing fields of study! UGA has a PhD program in Toxicology. My dad could finally have a real Bulldog in the family. Of course its years away. But hopefully not too far… As far as my Masters degree goes… There is a school that has severely caught my eye.. But it is way up in Philadelphia, PA. And realistically I dont ever see that happening. They have an amazing Master of Science in Forensics degree, as well as a Master of Science in Criminal Justice. And I can already view the Curriculum. Unlike most of these stupid online schools. I wish Albany would let me see their courses so I can compare the two. But the school I end up going to, which I HOPE will be in Georgia, Preferably online, but it would be more beneficial to be in a classroom, anyway, the school I end up going to will have to measure up to this school in PA. As far as the courses go, at least. 
The more I think about everything the more excited I am. But I know it would have happened sooner had I not fooled around in the first few years of college. But I can’t take back my mistakes, Only learn from them, so Moving onward! On to New Horizons! On to amazing and dead things! I am so happy I got my dream job on track. I know it won’t be like Bones, or CSI.. but damn it, close enough. And I can’t wait to be in a lab working for the GBI. I want to one day work for the FBI in their forensics labs. Actually no, I want to work out in California where I will be paid the most for something I love. The better my degrees the higher my pay will be. I know that shouldnt be important, but who wouldnt want a high paying job? If I have a good degree, and a Masters to follow before I even start work, my starting pay will be higher and I can have my Internship at the GBI as my experience, and hopefully work with them after that! God I’m excited!! And the American Academy of Forensic Sciences will be my tool. I will keep up with the job openings and look at Qualifications and make sure I am on my right track to my dream. :) Can’t wait!

  4:09 am, by xcomplicatedx